SIMON SEZ (1999)

Cast: Dennis Rodman, Dane Cook, Natalia Cigliuti, John Pinette, Ricky Harris

Directed By: Kevin Elders
Written By: Moshe Diamont & Rudy Cohen (Story);Andrew Miller & Andrew Lowery
Cinematography By: Avi Karpack
Editor: Alain Jakubowicz

I have avioded this movie for a while when i was working at a movie theater we were one of the few ones showing this a movie that obiously should have gone to Dvd but through some surely machavelian business deal didn't. now working at a movie theater you can go see films free through that i watched alot of crap but even i the movie lover refused to spend anytime watching it. now one day in extreme boredom i decided to watch this because you just can't bad mouth something properly from what you have heard you hae to see it for yourself so you can go into exact detail about what was wrong with it

While this isn't the worst thing that is on dane cook's resume. it's bad when he's the comic relief and he's not the only thing in this movie that is unintentionally funny. he is made to pay for being in this film through all the pratfalls you can even feel his embarassment as he acts in this movie. but exposure is exposure and it's a check.

it's hard to believe there is a man who works in the security industry who is black over six feet tall skinny with tons of piercings tatoo's and bleach blonde hair. but is not suppoded to be noticed een though he wears brightly colored leather outfits. that's not all the hard to believe details.

You have a villian after stolen software who even has a computer program avatar modeled after him. i don't know if the character is supposed to be crazy or gay. but he sings showtunes and has a fierce childish attitude about everything which made me wonder how would he gain so much power to be a villian he obiously would have never made ith through military training. he doesn't come from money and doubt that if he made money the old fashioned way no business would take him seriously. i understand a villian is supposed to be over the top but this is ridiculous.

Another thing with this movie is the henchmen who seem to wear masks and make-up and dress in euro-trash fashion. was there a dresscode to join this gang? plus another detail that this film and mant other action films hae why do henchmen who are shooting and fighting wear shades doesn't that hamper your vision, aiming and reactions? thus making them not very effective.

why does it seem like every character in this film under 25 and not named dane cook knows martain-arts? how stupid is cliare the character dane & Dennis are looking after apparently very because everything revolves around her and her romance. they couldn't be trying to sae her from assassians no it must be her father not wanting her to be happy in love. How does this film hae 4 writers 2 for the story line and 2 for the actual script and it still turn out this bad did they each have a different movie in there mind and brought it all together and the result is this? you could hae made 4 good movies with this budget instead of one really bad one. Hae i mentioned how bad this movie is enough yet?

This film is horrible cliched squared. it's like a kids action film with adult themes and when i say kids i mean 5-12 year old's who are the only one's who would find this film interesting. definately skip or watch with the help of chemicals where after watching you won't believe what you saw it had to be the influence but if you watch it again sober you realize no it was that stupid

GRADE: F